When Motherhood Gets The Best Of Us

Some days it’s hard being a mom. Some days it’s difficult to explain. But some days, well most days it’s just love. Motherhood is love.

Kuya Seth has learned the joy of playing with our neighbors. Since we moved to a new place, he discovered new friends and they play outside the house (but still inside the compound). He asks for permission before going outside “mama, can I play outside?” and we let him as long as: 1- he has supervision and 2- he doesn’t go outside the gate. Those were our rules, aside from the usual “no fighting”, “no crying”, etc. But the emphasis has been on the “no going out of the gate” part, for “someone might get you”, or “you might get into an accident”. Of course we don’t expect him to do as we say 100%. He is a toddler, after all.

Last week I was watching over Seth when he heard his playmate go outside their house. He was beaming with joy, as always, and asked mama the question, “mama, I hear my playmates! Can I please go outside and play?”. Mama said yes, and put on a pair of shorts and towel for him. I told him I had to change clothes first – he was super excited so I let him go with the 2 golden rules at hand. I was changing my clothes when suddenly the kids playing outside turned silent and I cannot hear them anymore. I ran outside to check (just by our gate), the “big kids” told me he was at the main gate. I ran towards the terrace so I can see him (I have not changed my clothes yet!!!) and shouted, “Seth????? Where are you???”.

He screamed at me and said, “hi mama!!!”. I literally held back my tears (I swear motherhood makes me emotional all the time!) because he was just there, by the gate, waiting for his friends. I asked him, “why are you there????” Seth answered, “I am waiting for Kyla, mom! She went outside. I told her I can’t go outside so I stayed here.”

 

There are days when I feel like I fail at being a good mother. Sometimes I feel like everything is just soooo tiring and I literally break down and cry. 😩😭 I mean being a hands-on-mom while pregnant is just not a good combination. But most days motherhood is love. It gets the best (and worst!) of us but I’d like to believe that moms, we do not lose heart. By God’s grace, we can do this!

Here’s an advance mother’s day greeting to all the mothers out there. Remember: Our labor is never in vain. ❤

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Of course I had to document it so I can be reminded of the “fruit of my labor”. 🙂
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Almost There!

32 weeks, 6 days.

That is how far I’ve been with pregnancy. I’m now on my 8th month, and my pregnancy app (thank God for these apps, seriously) says I have (drumroll please!!) 50 days to go.

I’ve been overwhelmed with the whole pregnancy thing that I don’t know where to start, or what to say. There are sooo many things to say and so many stuff to write about, but somehow I am compelled to keep everything to myself, mainly because I just want to digest everything- first.

So how have I been? Really?

I am one of the pregnant women who is just blessed because everything just seems normal. My first trimester- the tri all ladies dread- went soooo smoothly. I never experienced morning sickness or heartburns. Of course except the exaggerated itchiness I had. I developed allergies to almost everything: soap, lotion, chicken and fish. After a while, things got back to normal. My asthma came back to haunt me as well; my last attack was when I was 7 years old. I can’t breathe easily, probably because of too much heat as well. The presumed asthma sort of faded away, thankfully.

I don’t have any cravings, I eat what is available. I’m not sensitive with smell- my nose can tolerate almost all scent. My hubby is blessed to have me, I know.

As much as I would like to take all the credit on my own (tee-hee), my hubby deserves a pat on the back, too. He has been sooooooooooo patient with me. Pregnant women can be crazy at times! Blame it on our hormones! But he just takes care of me so well! He has been so considerate, understanding and loving of me. I am indeed a blessed wife!

Most of my friends are parents, too, and every time we talk about my pregnancy they laugh at me. First because months after I got married, I announced that we don’t want to have a baby yet. I’m like, “no, I don’t wanna get pregnant yet…” or “we want at least a year of togetherness as husband and wife first before baby time…” I even tried a couple of contraceptives for a while because we really don’t want to have a baby so soon.

But of course, God works in mysterious ways. As the song goes, God’s ways are not our ways, and His plans are never our plans.

We’ve been talking about having a baby a lot, but what made us really decide we wanted to have a baby was when a dear spiritual brother died. We talked about how short life is, and that we should “start young”. But when I found out I was pregnant, I was actually in disbelief. I knew I could be pregnant but the thought never really sank in. Hubby is sort of convinced that I am pregnant because I sleep a lot. That did not convince me since I do sleep a lot all the time. The funny thing was, when the pregnancy test turned positive, I felt like I was a teenager who got pregnant, unplanned. I tried another pregnancy test the next morning and of course, the result was positive again. There was some sort of shock but right then and there, inside the comfort room, I prayed. I thanked the Lord because I knew it was his timing. And that His timing is always perfect.

32 weeks, 6 days.

To say that I’m not fearful is a lie. I fear of giving birth, of the pain, of baby’s health. I am a nurse by profession and I have witnessed several women giving birth and thinking of the birth process- from my waterbag breaking to contractions to labor to giving birth- is something to be scared of.

But every time I think of the baby- our baby – the fear just goes away. Every time he moves, I become a crazy excited mom-to-be and I just can’t wait to cuddle and kiss him.

And I know God will take care of me. God has everything under His control. Add the fact that I have such a strong support system. My mom, family and in laws are so supportive!

I know I have so much to learn and there will definitely be sleepless, frightful nights, but I know everything will be okay. I just have to let go and yes, let God. I’m almost there and I love it!

This was me while 4 months pregnant. I am so much bigger now. Haha!