When you just want it to happen.

When I was a child I wanted to change my name. This story cracks me up every time I remember it and to this day whenever I tell it to people I cry out of too much laughter (and humiliation, I suppose). Here’s how it goes: I was sitting beside my kindergarten classmate whose name is Jennylyn de Asis. For some weird reason I was soooo fascinated with her name that I wanted to change my name to hers. When I got home I told my mom (who was my pre-school teacher) that I wanted to change my name to Jennylyn de Asis. My mom, of course, in her delightful graceful composure, explained to me that we cannot have our names changed.. and so I cried. Like tantrums-cried. I recall my mom showing me my birth certificate, explaining that my name is my name and I cannot change it. There’s just no way. I cried and cried and did not talk to my mom for a week. I am not sure how it was resolved, I probably just forgot about it eventually.

It’s funny how some of us assume that it’s so easy to change something – just like that. Or that we should get what we want because we want it so bad! This is a struggle for me, because I am so used to being a go-getter. Earlier my husband and I were talking and I was so upset and was pulling out a tantrum (it’s PMS time, ladies and gentlemen) because I wanted something to happen so bad. Well, first, it was me wanting something (a particular thing).. then me wanting something to happen.. then me fighting with him and then me resorting to crying and getting mad at him. And then I cried to the Lord. I was so upset and I was asking him “why, Lord, why? When? When will these things happen? Why are these things not happening?” Patience is not my best trait and most of the time I just lose it. My husband, being the patient, understanding man that he is, explained to me that these things- the things that I am mad about are not important. And that there are far more important things that should concern me. And that we should just trust in the Lord, know that He knows what He’s doing, and that we should not worry about these things because heck, He knows the future and He is God. Shouldn’t that give us peace?

I was ashamed because I realized that I was too focused to getting what I wanted that I stopped focusing on the beauty of waiting (believe me, there is joy to it!). I focused on a very small aspect that I failed to see the bigger picture. I was ashamed because how could I not trust in Him? How could I worry? I try to justify my worrying to just being concerned but deep down I know that I was really anxious and worried.

It’s normal to be worried and scared about the future but really, where would that take us?

So here’s what my husband told me, in the midst of me sending him angry messages and stuff:

Remember Paul and Silas? When they were persecuted and imprisoned? Every month prisoners like them were being killed.. so what they did was pray. Not to get out of prison but to be extended on their imprisonment. You wanna know why? Because that is where they seek the Lord.

Sometimes we are too focused on the things that we know would bring us comfort. On hassle-free, stress-free stuff. But if we seek the Lord’s presence there is enjoyment in the middle of a stressful life, it’s like we have our own life in the middle of these problems. A beautiful, peaceful life. Why do you have to look for a problem-free place when you can create a peaceful zone with God? It may not be comfortable but it is definitely peaceful.

Oh how I thank the Lord that I have a husband like him! I know these words are not new words for me, or for anyone. But sometimes we really need to be reminded (and slapped in the face). When did I ever stop being contented over what I am blessed with? Our situation may push us to our limits (waaah, sorry Lord) but we can rely on the promise that He is God. Over whatever situation we are in. He is God over our families. He is God over our broken relationships. He is God over failed jobs. He is God over new adventures. He is God over new dreams. He is God over long distance relationships. He is God over this chaotic world that we live in.

He is God. That alone should give us peace.

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